Captain America's shield is about to be passed once again and what better TV show to announce Steve Rogers' latest replacement than on Comedy Central's The Colbert Report?
On last night's episode, host Stephen Colbert lamented President Barack Obama's leadership, telling his viewers that just when the United States needs a leader more than ever, it's losing one of the country's greatest -- Captain America. "He first won our hearts back in 1941's [Captain America Comics] issue #1 by punching Hitler in the face," began Colbert, "and the Hulk, may I point out, the Hulk was nowhere to be found here. I guess the Holocaust doesn't make Bruce Banner that angry. Hulk ignore atrocities! Unfortunately, Cap's days of protecting America are numbered...and that number is 21."
Displaying a copy of the current Captain America #21 by Rick Remender and Nic Klein, Colbert spoiled the issue's contents by saying, "Because unless you've been frozen in ice for the last sixty-five years, you know exactly what happens in this issue. It's a tale as old as time -- The Iron Nail, currently in his monster form, has launched a plot to frame Captain America by forcing the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier Gungnir to transform into a flying robot and destroy the nation of Nrosvekistan. Of course, all this is just a fantasy and in the real world, Nrosvekistan has been annexed by Vladimir Putin."
"But," continued Colbert, "when Cap tries to stop him, the Iron Nail hits him with flying needles which remove the super-serum from Captain America's blood, causing him to lose his super-soldier powers and instantly age sixty-five years, meaning his new super-serum will be Ensure. I cannot believe this is happening right now, I mean, Captain America was this close to being promoted to Major America. This is a disaster, Nation, Steve Rogers brought low is a huge void in the captaining of America."
Colbert then introduced Marvel Entertainment's Chief Creative Officer Joe Quesada to reveal the next Captain America. "Thanks for flying over in your helicarrier," Colbert said to Quesada. "What the hell is going on with Captain America? What did you do to this guy?"
"Well, you know, Steve Rogers saved the world again but not without personal sacrifice," replied Quesada. "He lost his super-soldier serum."
"Without Steve Rogers, who's going to keep those Guatamalan kids from coming over our southern border?"
"The Falcon?" replied Colbert to some mock amazement. "Well, if there is one bird associated with America, it's the falcon."
Showing a picture of The Falcon in his regular costume and also as the new Captain America, Colbert and Quesada clarified that this change will only be in the comics, not the Captain America and Avengers movies.
"Let me ask you something," said Colbert. "This guy is...uh...this new guy is black. Doesn't that make him Captain African-America? No? I didn't know, I'm asking. I'm just asking."
"I don't see color," replied Quesada.
"You don't see color? Neither do I. If you don't see colors, how do you do comic books?" smiled Colbert, flipping through the copy of Captain America #21.
"Wait a second," Colbert continued, "doesn't that mean there's another void? Don't we need a new Falcon?"
"You know, that's a great question, Stephen, and we really thought about this at Marvel and the opening is available." As chants for Colbert to be the new Falcon rang from the studio audience, Quesada continued, "To try this out, we commissioned one of our great artists, Kris Anka, to do an image of you as the Falcon."
Pointing to the picture, Colbert remarked, "I didn't realize people knew I've been waxing my chest. I've got a great catch phrase for the Falcon...Why did the Falcon cross the road? For justice, motherf#cker!"
If you'd like to check out the full segment, you can view it below thanks to the official Colbert Nation website...
Captain America #25, the first issue with Sam Wilson as Captain America, arrives in October, followed by All-New Captain America #1 in November.