Break out the chimichangas...the Deadpool trailer has officially arrived!
During last night's episode of Conan, host Conan O'Brien and Deadpool star Ryan Reynolds officially debuted the red band trailer for the upcoming 20th Century Fox movie, which was shown earlier this year at San Diego Comic-Con 2015 and quickly leaked to the internet in a crappy bootleg version.
The trailer begins with Wade Wilson's love, Vanessa, consoling Wade after learning of his cancer diagnosis. "I love you, Wade Wilson," she says to him. "We can fight this."
"You're right," replies Wade. "The cancer's only in my liver, lungs, prostate and brain -- all things I can live without."
A man in a dark suit comes to Wade with an omnious offer. "What if I told you we can make you better? You're a fighter. We can give you abilities most men dream of...make you a superhero."
"You just promise you'll do right by me," Wade responds, "so I can do right by someone else." As Wade is wheeled in to receive the chemical process, he asks (in a sly nod to Ryan Reynolds' film Green Lantern), "And please don't make the super-suit green...or animated!"
One of the doctors, Ed Skrein as Ajax, tells Wade, "One thing that never survives this process is a sense of humor."
"Ah, we'll see about that, Posh Spice," counters Wade as we see Gina Carano as Angel Dust looming over him. "Oh, come on...You're gonna leave me here all alone here with less-angry Rosie O'Donnell?"
We then see Wade in action as Deadpool, in a scene from the Deadpool studio test footage that helped the film become greenlit by Fox. During a standoff on a bridge with men armed with guns, Deadpool hides behind an overturned car and holds up his hands in surrender. "WAIT!" he shouts. "You may be wondering why the red suit. Well, that's so bad guys can't see me bleed. This guy's got the right idea -- he wore the brown pants."
All at once, Deadpool flips into the air from behind the car and shoots one of the armed men squarely in the forehead. "Daddy needs to express some rage," quips Deadpool.
We're then treated to a number of quick action shots, Wade and Vanessa having sex, Andre Tricoteux as Colossus, Brianne Hildebrand as Negasonic Teenage Warhead, and Leslie Uggams as Blind Al, who tells Deadpool "Sounds like you have a dick in your mouth."
Wade, now bald with a horrible skin condition, meets up with Weasel (T.J. Miller) in a bar, who tells Wade he's hard to look at.
"Like a testicle with teeth," nods Wade.
"You look like Freddy Kreuger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah," replies Weasel.
After shooting more bad guys, Deadpool sniffs the smoke emanating from his handguns and sighs with ecstasy, quipping "I'm touching myself tonight."
Going back to the scene with Wade and Weasel, Weasel continues his assessment of Wade's new appearance, remarking "You are haunting. You look like an avocado had sex with an older avocado."
Wade stares for a moment at Weasel, finally replying "Thank you."
If you'd like to see the official, non-crappy bootleg version of the red band trailer, you can view it thank to 20th Century Fox's official YouTube account...
Deadpool is scheduled to arrive in theaters on February 12, 2016.