!!! Cloud Atlas Shrugged (I Am So Bored And Various Sundry Things) !!!

Ms. (?) Lana And Mr. Andy Wachowski Request Your Presence At The Premiere Of Their New Film, "Cloud Atlas". Cursed Earth Pizza Will Be Served And Entertainment Will Be Provided By Mike Wazowski, Please Leave Your Sparkly Vampire At Home, RSVP !?!

Wow, things are dead in the world of film this week. Either nothing is going on or they are waiting until later in the week (I'll get to that). So, first I hear the Superman news (bad stuff) then, nothin', nada, zilch. The fact that Hans Zimmer is doing the music for "Man of Steel" single handedly destroyed Hollywood (just kidding... kinda). This week has been pretty weak (that's me using homonyms... English, it's like a second language to me). Anyhow, I have been banging my head against a wall trying to find something to tell you guys, so here's what I got.


For some reason, God only knows, movie studios feel the need to bait the public even more than they already do. The hot "new" trend is for a studio to release a "teaser" for a "trailer". That's right folks, they release a 5 second blast of images in order to let you know that they will soon release a 2 minute blast of images. Why do they do this exactly? I have no clue. Isn't a trailer for a movie essentially a teaser for said movie? Why do I then need a teaser for a trailer (this makes my head hurt)? Why not just release the trailer or a short 1 minute teaser (this is the actual thing that they have been doing for years until recently) and skip this unnecessary step altogether? Needless to say, I saw today where Lionsgate has released "5 seconds" of the Judge Dredd trailer on Machinima a day (yes, you heard that correctly) before they release the trailer. Just release the trailer you frakking teases. Ladies and gentlemen, Hollywood thinks that you are so stupid that you will poop out a brick just to see the smallest snippet of footage for a movie. Well, guess what Hollywood, I refuse to bow to your dumb stunts. I'm not even going to link to your stupid teaser for a trailer (if you fine people want to check out this useless bit of footage go to the Comingsoon.net link below and search for it yourself). I'll be back tomorrow with the real trailer and my thoughts, so hold your snicker doodles and be patient. Guess what Hollywood, we "can" be patient.

Now this is more like it. Pixar has released actual teasers (more than 5 seconds) of next summer's Monsters University. These things are infinitely more watchable than the crap that Lionsgate threw out today. The first Monsters movie is one of my favorite Pixar movie (maybe just behind The Incredibles), so I'm looking forward to this one. If "these" teasers are any indication, then we are In for a treat.

Lastly, Warner Bros. Pictures has announced today (after they totally screwed up Monday) that the Wachowski Broth... people will release their new movie "Cloud Atlas" on October 26th of this year. You have heard me talk about The Matrix Trilogy "here" and you also know that I enjoy their work (The Matrix trilogy is extremely fun after you've had a few), so I'm interested to see what this thing looks like. It appears we will know sooner rather than later (maybe Comic-Con, which we will cover extensively). The story is taken from a book of the same name by David Mitchell and stars such actors as Tom Hanks, Hugo Weaving, and Hugh Grant to name a few. That's a combination you never thought you'd see. Crazy sex changes aside, the broth... siblings look to be making a descent film, with great talent and a best-selling novel behind it. I know that this movie will look good, let's hope it plays good too. You can check out the rest of the story "here" and I'll update you as it gets closer to October 26th.

Oh... Sigh... for all you Twifarts out there, they released the trailer for the last movie in the Twilight Series (It's about a bunch of horny high school kids that have contracted a disease that makes them crave blood and "sparkle", come on people). So, if your into that kind of thing then click "here". For all the normal people, ignore everything that you just read.

Well, I'm off to brood until something good shows up so have a splendid evening. I will return.

Todd "Still A Man, According To Nic" B.

[Comingsoon.net]


"Mr. I am da law"

Before

After

See the difference? Yeah, me neither.

Do I Take The Blue Pill, The Red Pill, Or The One That Says Pfizer?

!!! Aliens Evolved From Humans And Are Using Hit Men !!!
!!! What The !!!

Well, love'em or hate'em, the Wachowski Brothers (I guess I should lose the "brothers" part, seeing as how one of them is now a woman. Larry and Andy or Kerry and Candy, who knows!!) are very good at eliciting a passionate response from movie audiences worldwide. Personally, I like The Matrix Trilogy, but I felt like I only got two movies instead of three. That story seems unfinished to me. Sue me, I want more Matrix. I thought that Speed Racer was a faithful adaptation of the original cartoon (anime if you want to get technical) and certainly their most audience friendly movie yet. It had heart and great action set pieces along with a good story and great actors. If I had to compare it to anything it would be Star Wars: A New Hope. It just had that same overcoming a great empire with a small band of misfits vibe and you get the same feeling at the end win the rebels win ( Oh those pesky rebels). Again, I really liked it and it would be a perfect movie to see with your kids because it is very family friendly.

For the past four some odd years, the Wachowskis have either been hiding away somewhere contemplating life (or just what exactly did the end of Matrix: Revolutions mean?), or secretly devising a way to not only turn one of themselves into a woman, but somehow produce movies at the same time. All are lofty goals to be sure, but apparently that was not all they were up to. They have been working on a movie called "Cloud Atlas" (that is a post all to itself at a latter date) that will be released this year. Word came today of another project that the broth... sorry, the Wachowskis, have been working on for awhile. It's title currently is "Jupiter Assending". It has long been known that they would film the movie based on a script they wrote, but no other information was forthcoming. That is until know.

Vulture has a report that says Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis will star and they also give us a plot outline that you really have to read to get the full effect.

"Imagine a universe in which human beings are just the Cro-Magnons, or even the Australopithecines, of what beings can ultimately go on to become in the galaxy, these higher forms of life are watching us from other, albeit this time non-meta worlds, but actual, other worlds, as in planets and moons.”

"A recent Russian immigrant — played by actual Ukrainian immigrant Mila Kunis — who is busily scrubbing toilets for a living. Unbeknownst to her, she actually possesses the same perfect genetic makeup as the Queen of the Universe and is therefore a threat to her otherwise immortal rule."

"These evolved beings fall into various different groups, all of which share some human DNA but who have become evolved after being bred with animal DNA to heighten their best characteristics — e.g., soldiers getting their fearlessness, strength, and a pack mentality from wolves; workers getting their industriousness and reputation for diligence from bees."

"Pretty soon, a bounty hunter of the evolved-being type is dispatched to dispose of the Cleaning Lady with the Great Pair of Nucloetides, but, as you’d expect with a MATRIX re-dux, they fall in love... And for having fallen for his target, the bounty hunter — who we hear will be played by Channing Tatum — well, let’s just say that things get messy after that, because his employers take a-less-than-enlightened-being reaction to his decision to protect rather than kill her."

OK then!!!

It seems as if all that time contemplating life and the universe in the desert with Mr. Mojo Rising aka The Lizard King (in spirit form, of course) has done a number on this brother and sister duo's brains. It may be a great movie, I don't know yet, but if it takes me doing peyote and singing "Love Me Two Times" to understand the synopsis, will I have to get a doctorate in weird to get through the movie? I'm just asking so I can register for my classes now. Oh, and it's suppose to be a trilogy (Yipee)!!

Todd (thank you Morpheus, but I think I'll take Advil instead) B.

[Ain't It Cool News]